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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I am highly emotional right now. And I have to pull myself together in the next 20 min's and go to work. This stupid rash is still on me, and itchy. I was hoping I would wake up this morning and it would all be a bad nightmare, because I really did have some of those last night. I made myself get up at 7 am, even though work is not until 11, cuz my dreams were kicking my ass. I was getting so twisted up, and so scared out of my mind.

My rash is still here. It has gone down, my face doesn't look like Frankenstein created it. I am still here. My aquarium is still green, my life still sucks. The people I care about never seem to care about me. I wrote comments on other people's blogs all morning long, and I am afraid that I should go back and delete them, cuz I don't know if what I said was nice or mean.

All I want to do right now, is take another one of these green pills that knocks you out, and doze off while watching a movie. But I have to call the school today and get my loan stuff straight. I have to stay an extra hour at work today to help make up the slacker difference that was all of yesterday. I have to calculate my bills for the month, cuz I splurged a little much last weekend, I have to start getting real and stop trying to be idealistic all the time. The pessimists got it right, cuz they are surprised when good things happen, instead of disappointed. Right now, I need to STOP CRYING. Turn these water works off. Sadness is a good emotion because it makes you feel alive. It would be worse not to cry, to be dead. But I have no reason to be sad. So stop wasting water crystal, start conserving. I can't figure out how I somehow lost an inch between high school and college. I used to be 5'5, and now the last two doctors offices who measured me say im only 5 freaking 4. I want to be tall. Not wear tall shoes and be fake tall, cuz that is unbalancing, and Her First Anal Sex, and girls need to just admit it. Its damn uncomfortable most of the time too.

I am starving, prolly cuz through all that, I prolly ate 1/10 of that stupid pizza. I had forgotten to turn the oven on. Everything took longer than it was supposed to yesterday.

Its okay if you think this blog makes little Free Porn. Right now, I feel senseless.